Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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