be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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