I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
