I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How's work?
Spinning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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