Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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