I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
