I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
