so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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