im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
