I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
