she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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