You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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