I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
