It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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