I want to stick my p in your. b.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
