haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
