apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
