NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
