I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So much rum. So many feels.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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