I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
