I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I believe in your delicious
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
