i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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