I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
