its not stalking. its research.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
