I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
