he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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