Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize