dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
