Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
