Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
