well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
