Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
