I cockslap morals
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
