Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
