So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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