This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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