I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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