dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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