I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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