I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
