dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
