Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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