I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
