Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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