I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
