I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
