just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
