is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
