Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
