I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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