you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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