It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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