im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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