HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
