Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
