can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
