he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
