I hope mine doesn't look like that
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
