ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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