Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
