Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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