I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
