Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
