ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm at about main and main street
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
