: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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