Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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