I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
