Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
