At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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