The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
