I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
